Flustered Hillary Mutters “fuck you” During Final Debate

Dr. Pepe Le Frogg announced today that Hillary’s alter personality has been identified as a Russian spy named Agent Govniuk, a self-destructive splinter of her personality that loves to sabotage her life. Govniuk is Russian for a very naughty word, incidentally. This incredibly self-destructive alter, when in control, made sure she ran while under a criminal FBI investigation. It made sure she rigged the primary and sabotaged Bernie Sanders’ campaign and lost his supporters when they found out. It was responsible for her calling half of Americans racist, deplorables, irredeemables, xenophobes, and sexists. Because “Agent Govniuk” blames everyone else for her mistakes, she cannot self-correct, so she continuously fails no matter how much she is assisted by political operatives and donors. […]

A highly disturbing new Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR) report circulating in the Kremlin today says that a US federal government witness who was due to testify this coming week before a grand jury in the expanding FBI probe into Hillary Clinton and her Clinton Foundation was violently killed, along with her husband, in a massive explosion that completely obliterated her New Jersey home—and whose expected testimony centered on a notorious American-based pharmaceutical company who gave money to the Clinton Foundation in a bid to cover up their drug price gouging crimes. […]

SVR… reporting that the believed to be “lost” emails belonging to former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton were recovered on 1 June when special agents of the American Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) raided a home in Dearborn, Michigan, owned by a “shell company” belonging to top Clinton aide Huma Abedin’s brother and sister. […]