Elizabeth Beck Ruins CNN: “Why are you subjecting me to this?”


“Why are you subjecting me to this?” is a question most all of us have asked when enduring CNN, and God bless Elizabeth Beck for voicing our unheard cries for mercy.

It starts right before the 3:00 mark.

CNN panelist returns to day job.

Beck just made these CNN pundits painfully aware that no one gives a flying fuck about their Robert Mueller circle jerks and fortune telling, and that it is not only uninteresting and useless speculation bukakki unloaded on a hapless and captive audience, but a punishment to educated ears. Only you arrogant, out of touch CNN fucks would think this fortune telling is entertaining or enlightening; your out of the loop pundits masturbating to their own “intellects” whilst we, the trapped viewers, endure a cruel rain of vile ejaculate that is their worse than useless opinions; usually when stuck in a venue like an airport terminal or hospital where you can’t change the channel, or in Beck’s case, immediately leave.

As for the fortune tellers on the typical MSNBC or CNN news show, their odious panels of Nostradummies, I offer this more cost effective solution. Just buy this more amiable, inoffensive dummy and use the rest of your broadcast on real news.

Not kidding about viewers being trapped either: CNN pays US airports to broadcast their propaganda at over 2000 gates. Behold:


And hey, Brooke Baldwin, please lay off the clown blush, you’re supposed to look natural. Even if you had anything worth listening to, I can’t hear a word you’re saying, your make-up is too loud. It actually distracts from your most flattering feature: your lips when they are not moving.

What’s with that freaky blush, by the way? Your cheeks look like shiny brass ball sacks.

Who wore it better? the bull or Brooke’s cheeks? Revlon abuse. Avert your eyes, gentlemen, her cheekbones are blinding to the naked eye.
Look what mischief you’ve inspired Brooke!

It’s bad enough you’ve raped and abused every journalistic standard on earth, you’ve now taken your war to Revlon.

As people will loathe the news hereon for what they’ve done to our souls and minds, infecting audiences with hate, division, and glorified slander; they will loathe cosmetics companies for the potential tragedies that may arise from the wanton abuse of their products.

I mean, seriously, Brooke’s skin tone at the neckline presents such a contrast to the unnatural Technicolor vomit above it, it’s actually kinda sad to see her. She’s like a middle school girl testing everything at the Revlon counter without the careful, guiding hand of adult supervision.

Brooke “Pennywise” Baldwin on prom night. Her humiliated and traumatized date was never the same after that night, and is still in therapy.

Brooke, does Elizabeth Beck have to show your simple self everything?

I thought CNN had a new flesh-colored chyron (the lower third graphics or texts on the screen) until I realized it was Walter’s double chin.

Even Walter Schaub, the self-absorbed simpleton that pops a boner every time he hears himself talk is more bearable on screen.

No, wait, just kidding, he’s kinda gross. I thought CNN had a new flesh-colored chyron (the lower third graphics or texts on the screen) until I realized it was Walter’s double chin.

Also, Brooke, Pennywise called. He wants his make up back.

“Hey kid, have you seen my blush?”

Related Post

About Independent Press 838 Articles
Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?