Celine Dion’s New Order Fashion Titanic Dead On Arrival

You see that poor girl modeling these clothes?

Her nickname is “Smiley” because she is always happy and her smile is contagious. But then she had to wear this shit for a photo shoot and last we heard she was being talked off a ledge after her friends teased her. They saw her wearing this, despite her best effort to avoid that when she tried sneaking into the building’s rear entrance to slip being spotted.

So yeah, I’d be depressed and embarrassed too. Very poor use of color, Celine. I mean, black and yellow? What is she? a taxi? And the skull theme? that Illuminati shit still supposed to be edgy? What next? Baphomet horns on a yellow and black baseball hat?

Because we don’t get enough Illuminati symbolism on our currency, in film, television, and music. (Slow clap) Ooooooh! Original!

This Canadian export (the clothing and designer herself, Celine Dion) is so terrible it should, in and of itself, give us cause to reassess our new trade deal with Canada. Honestly, though, the true crime of unisex attire is that it is unoriginal. The vast majority of the world is quite happy with their biological gender, and want to dress accordingly, but this requires originality. Men require different clothing than women and vice versa, we are built differently.

When you’re older than dirt and want to spite the youth around you: make them hate themselves by confusing them about their natural genders.

Mission accomplished! Celine spreads a little magic dust, or PCP, and now the babies are brain damaged enough to wear this abominable clothing line because someone will have to dress them for the rest of their lives.

Ohhh. look, more Illuminati symbolism, i.e, the bitter witch and one-hit wonder that represents death and decay, in both taste in music!

Like we haven’t been inundated by Illuminati symbolism by Katy Perry, or Beyonce, or Rhianna, Madonna, or every pop star out there trying to be edgy by hinting they made a deal with the devil, like that’s ever been a good thing. My attempt at edginess, did you catch it? I didn’t use the accents on a couple of these names, because they’re pretentious enough in English.

Why the long face?

I’m thinking, since they like looking out of one eye so much, how about wearing a fucking eye patch already? It’s old. It’s lame. You’re boring. Nobody cares.

That said, wow! I wanna be your friend! Can I be your friend Celine? Please?

Hmmm. Celine looked so sad at the sight of that beautiful nursery. Why the long face Celine? Ooops, sorry.  I forgot you were sensitive about that.  I was almost about to say you look like an Easter Island monolith, but whew, thank goodness I stopped myself.

Celine Dion does not look like an Easter Island monolith. Celine Dion does not look like an Easter Island monolith. Celine Dion does not look like an Easter Island monolith. (except she does)

Yikes. I just puked in my mouth a little, and by little, I mean I projectile vomited on the screen after the horrid color combination in the clothing line made me dizzy.

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Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?