Writers

Instagram- Maddox

By |October 6th, 2017

“A collection of satirical, crass, comedic essays from famed Internet personality and New York Times bestselling author Maddox of the infamous website The Best Page in the Universe.”

How Jimmy Kimmel Blamed the Families of Slaughtered Americans for Massacre

By |October 4th, 2017

That you are personally responsible for the choice another man made with your life and that of your loved ones is exactly what you want to hear as you prepare funeral arrangements and struggle to contain the trauma that same stranger caused. You are one comforting motherfucker for survivors and family alike, Jimmy. A class act.

In Brief: Hillary Opens Campaign Office at Las Vegas Hospital

By |October 3rd, 2017

Before any of the bodies have even been buried, Hillary Clinton opened her 2020 campaign office in a Las Vegas hospital "to be accessible to family members for comfort, and to be responsive to their concerns about the first woman president, how I was cheated, reproductive rights, and how I am doing after my devastating loss to Donald Trump."

Podesta Emails – Abby Martin Exposes John Podesta & Friends

By |September 30th, 2017

In the months leading up to the presidential election, corporate media worked in hyper drive to sell Hillary Clinton to America. Party loyalists on both sides became frantic that the candidate they helped create could take the empire's throne, with unpredictable consequences. Amidst a curtain of unquestioning sycophantic media coverage, a bombshell was dropped by Wikileaks weeks before the election, exposing the inner workings of the Clinton clique.

Green Bay Packers Invite Fans to Interlock Arms During Anthem, Honor Rockettes Instead

By |September 29th, 2017

Breaking: The Green Bay Packers invited fans to join them in interlocking their arms during the national anthem as a show of solidarity with the football team, and Broadway. Already gearing up for a potential Superbowl half-time performance, the Packers were not concerned about audience disapproval, it seems, and have been training with the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes in NYC.

Hillary’s Garden Hose Nervously Waiting to Be Blamed For Election Loss

By |September 22nd, 2017

It's coming. You know it, I know it, her garden hose knows it.

Too Painfully Real for Fiction

By |September 22nd, 2017

This censorship system (dubbed the “Iron Curtain”) being imposed upon the American people, this report concludes, backfired on the Soviets and became a major factor in eroding the Communist Party’s control—a fact not noticed by some hysterical Hillary Clinton supporting lawmakers in the US Congress who, just 3 days ago, demanded that a Washington D.C. radio station (105.5 FM) broadcasting Radio Sputnik's programming be shut down because it “influenced the election”—a claim that defies all laws of space and time as this station didn’t start carrying Radio Sputnik until 1 July of this year, fully 9 months AFTER President Trump was elected.  

Morgan Freeman: We Are at War With Russia

By |September 21st, 2017

It's interesting to see Carl Reiner and Morgan Freeman essentially declare war on 63 million Americans who voted for Trump, which they need to convince before they can actually wage war against a thermonuclear power like Russia. By the way, Russia has more nukes, and modern ones now than we do. Their argument was that Trump and Bernie Sanders supporters were brainwashed by Putin's Russian ads and social media bots to do something as un-American and unhinged as exercising their free will. It is really astounding that they can't see how viscerally offensive that allegation is on its face.

Colin Kaepernick Takes Both Knees in General

By |September 17th, 2017

He sucks, in other words. Taking a knee is an attack on unity. That's what anthems are supposed to do: celebrate the unity of a people. The insidious aspect to virtue-signalling is best explained in how children whom are constantly being told they are bad, defective, inadequate, unlovable take that with them for the rest of their lives. Now this narrative, taken on a national scale, teaches children we should be ashamed of the anthem that brings this nation together because the author, Francis Scott Key, was a flawed man.

Sleepless Jeff Bezos Still Has Millions of “What Happened” 1 Star Reviews to Delete

By |September 15th, 2017

A sleepless Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, distraught over the poor reception of Hillary Clinton's latest book, has gone six days without batting an eye in a desperate effort to delete millions of one star reviews of Clinton's latest book What Happened. He is also in a lot of pain from the carpel tunnel syndrome he has from repeatedly hitting the delete key hundreds of thousands of times.

Haitian Economy Rebounds as Hillary Orders 63 Million Voodoo Dolls to Kill Trump Voters

By |September 14th, 2017

In her new memoir What Happened, Hillary Clinton writes that "I was tempted to make voodoo dolls of certain members of the press and Congress and stick them full of pins." However, while making the rounds and finding herself more unpopular among Democrats and progressives in her Blame Everyone Tour, she has decided to use the proceeds from the Clinton Foundation to redeem herself, and plans to reboot the Haitian economy. She has ordered 63 million voodoo dolls custom made for each individual Trump voter.