The Impious Digest hires only the best and strongest pimps to administer the bitch slappin' we give to mimes across the nation. But it's not cheap. Ice packs (for bruised knuckles), travel expenses, bail money and legal fees are just part of the expenses incurred in our efforts to make every child smile. Our pimps charge an hourly wage, but a fair one. […]
Einstein vs. Hawking, Edison vs. Tesla, Napoleon vs. Napoleon, Dr. Seuss vs. Shakespeare, Darth Vader vs. Hitler, Gandhi vs. Martin Luther King, Jr. The best rap battles in history! […]
My name is Dr. Hugh Janus and I am a psychologist. I have been commissioned to analyze the following celebrities with only their public behavior and writings to guide me through the twisted wreckage of their minds. Though some of the psychological terminology may seem obscure to the layman, this is written with the latter in mind. Some of the conditions the professional may recognize in the the DSM-V- TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) but a few new categories, terms and conditions have been added. […]
First a disclaimer: no one is knocking phone sex or the insertion of sex tools into the rectum by geriatrics, per se. It's imposing this behavior on an unwilling partner young enough to be his granddaughter that is offensive to the civilized senses, especially when this is literally the man who sets the tone for right-wing morality in America. […]
A pleasantly plump and plainly panicked pachyderm pressured into packing packs of pumpkins, pickled peppers, and peas, says please when presented with polite persuasion. […]
Bybee's memo (not to mention a few others) is damning evidence suggesting a common plan on the part of the Administration to violate the laws of war. Strikingly, such a "common plan," or conspiracy, is itself a war crime. […]
Robert Pattinson of "Twilight" fame had no comment after his unibrow walked off the set in a bitter contract dispute with producers refusing to recognize it as autonomous and sentient. Presently filming his new teen romance "Smell My Finger, Dudes", Robert had little to say except he can't resume filming until he stops waking up to this… […]
Joe Mahma, Impious Digest staff writer, stars in his first feature film set in 1960s Mexico. Here’s a clip from “We Hope You Don’t Speak Spanish.” […]
A classic. The Onion News presents its debut video newscast on “The Human Cost of Mexicans.” A story on Lucent Technologies’ Vice-President Raymond Boyle being replaced by illegal alien Alberto Fuentes who just two years […]
High Priestess Lilith Smegma’s magic wand will be quite busy in the coming days, as it is to be used to feed millions and shelter the homeless to compete with Christians seeking federal assistance. […]
In a rare speech censored and lost for decades after World War II, Adolf Hitler delivers a grim confession historians have overlooked in studying the unspoken psychological/environmental source of his genocidal rage.
Discretion advised. […]
Not every Brady Bunch episode made it past the zealous censors of 1970s television. Even this, the most innocent of shows, the most wholesome, managed to somehow offend the sensibilities of anal retentive network censors. Here now, for your perusal, the lost classics… […]
An Onion Video classic. U.S. Rep. Benjamin Sinclair (R-OH) has a plan to reduce skull fucking levels in America by 5 to 7 percent. […]
Copyright 2023 The Impious Digest