White House Relents, Gives CNN’s Jim Acosta a Seat at the Table

June 27, 2017 Independent Press 0

After much criticism, gnashing of teeth, tantrums, and holding of his breath, CNN’s Jim “Pajama Booties” Acosta has prevailed against President Trump in his battle for White House access. Trump at last relented to his stern demands and offered the reporter “a highly coveted seat at the table.” Here, a proud Acosta announces the breaking news to a global audience. A night of hard-hitting news would follow. The first was Juice-box Gate. “Everyone here got one juice box, ” Acosta said solemnly, tears welling in his eyes, lips slightly quivering as he relived the traumatic moment. “President Trump got two juice boxes and even a crazy straw. He got two. It makes you wonder about the fairness and character of the man, and where the nation is going.”

Later, at a CNN panel discussing the “controversial breach in White House protocol,” the panel nodded in sober, unanimous consent. “It’s time for an independent investigation of the matter, perhaps led by Maxine Waters,” Don Lemon argued. “We’ve seen this before. It’s a disgrace to our country. Russia’s hand in this scandal is clear to all.”

Penis Suicide Rates Explode After CNN Chief Jeff Zucker Comparisons

June 26, 2017 Independent Press 0

CNN Chief Jeff Zucker was never easy on the eyes, but now a rash of penis suicides has hit the nation as male genitals are bullied online with taunts of “Jeff Zucker head”, “Butt Fucker Zucker,” “Zuck face”, “CNN is Fake News!”, “CNN is ISIS!” and “Mother Zucker” that in best case scenarios, only resolves with years of therapy; but in worst cases, ends in suicide and tragedy. The report, “Penile Suicide and Jeff Zucker’s Ugly Bitch Ass Face: A Twin Tragedy” was conducted by the University of Jeff Zucker Can Go Fuck Himself, and just published today.

Corp Media Cites Unnamed Sources to Refute a DOJ Warning Not to Trust Unnamed Sources

June 17, 2017 Independent Press 0

As the corporate press continues fecklessly insisting the public ‘just trust’ the unnamed officials and anonymous sources it perpetually cites when running shock reports on the inner dealings of government, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein — acting authority in the Russia probe, thanks to Jeff Sessions’ recusal — stunningly warned the public it must remain “skeptical about anonymous allegations.”

In Brief: Putin Praises McCain for Patriotism, McCain Burns US Flag and Screams “Death to America”

June 9, 2017 Independent Press 0

After Russian president Vladimir Putin noted “I like Senator McCain to a certain extent. And I’m not joking. I like him because of his patriotism, and I can relate to his consistency in fighting for the interests of his own country” an angry John McCain burned an American flag, screamed “death to America” and cried “I do not appreciate that Russian’s duplicity.” Dismissing any suggestion of senility, McCain shuffled through the Senate floor with his pants around his ankles in an Antifa mask. “We need to bomb their children now before they can grow up and be big Putins. He propagates lies and hair gel and makes us look like a bunch of fire hydrants.”

US Mainstream Media Unwittingly Plunges Into “Trump Trap”—Learns “Art Of War” Is Real

May 20, 2017 Sorcha Faal 0

The Syrian deconfliction talks currently ongoing between the Ministry of Defense (MoD) and the US Department of Defense (DoD) reveals an astonishing exchange between the Chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff General Joseph Dunford and Defence Minister Sergei Shoigu wherein it was revealed that President Donald Trump has been employing the tactics of the ancient Chinese military strategist Sun Tzu against the American mainstream propaganda media in order to destroy them—and all of whom have now unwittingly plunged into what is being described by some members of the SC as the “Trump Trap”.

CNN to Normalize Pedophelia, Start Red Scare Against Trump, Putin, Assange

May 19, 2017 Independent Press 0

CNN and other CIA media assets to go on offensive after devastating illegal spying disclosure and re-launch a red scare like we’ve never seen before, targeting Trump, Putin and Assange. Will include massive use of PSYOPS to “normalize” pedophilia scandals and portray dissent as Nazi and ALT RIGHT. NYT has already got the memo. Bill O’Reilly got the memo too.

More Talking Points to Sound Like a Complete Fucking Idiot, Courtesy The View’s Respected Political Scientists

April 27, 2017 Independent Press 0

Joy Behar, an internationally respected political scientist and intellectual powerhouse, made another compelling observation sure to heal a divided nation. The “Daytime Noam Chomsky” and “Plato of Punditry” whose wisdom is heeded by leaders far and wide, whose searing and trenchant insight is studied word for word with every episode in universities from MIT to Oxford, also noted that her vagina doesn’t appreciate gender appropriation and neither should yours.

“My vagina is whatever I say I want it to be,” she said with solemn and thoughtful certainty. “I call it a fire truck because my vagina is a fire truck. It’s time people start respecting real science.”

Russia Begins Investigation Into American Media For Grave Violations Of Constitution

March 20, 2017 Sorcha Faal 0

As to why this insane nuclear war warning was issued by this Democratic Party Congressman, this report explains, is due to these 6 media giants and their “Deep State” allies using Lenin’s Theory of the Press to plunge all of America into hysteria—and most commonly known in the United States as “Trump Derangement Syndrome” (TDS), and that is even causing people to erect fearful billboards around the US warning that President Trump is preparing to kill them all.

Full Wrath Of CIA Ready To Hit America After Their Deadly Lies Exposed

March 8, 2017 Sorcha Faal 0

Angering President Trump the most, as well as the FSB, this report details, were these top secret CIA documents revealing that this “Deep State” spy agency had created an “exploit” [a piece of software, a chunk of data, or a sequence of commands that takes advantage of a bug or vulnerability in order to cause unintended or unanticipated behavior to occur on computer software, hardware, or something electronic, usually computerized] to falsely implicate Russia in hacking crimes it had never committed, and didn’t have to do as these Democrats had already destroyed themselves.

Russia Cancels All New York Times Subscriptions, Warns It Is “Fake News”

March 7, 2017 Sorcha Faal 0

Looks like it’s not just US readers that are dumping the failing New York Times. Now inferior to The Onion, which at least has satirical value, Deputy Director Maria Zakharova has notified all Federation Departments, Ministries and Embassies that they are to immediately cancel all hardcopy and digital subscriptions to The New York Times as this leftist newspaper publication has now been labeled as “fake news” and is, in fact, to now be considered as propaganda no longer able to be relied upon for truthful or accurate information.

How Fake News is Weaponized by Facebook

March 7, 2017 Independent Press 1

What CNN, ABC, NBC, and other politicized news assets use to control your perception, which is your reality. Because perception is reality, this is the literal “matrix.” How programmers manipulate moods, foment unrest, hate and fear in the digital age. It’s not just fake news: psychologically, it is designed to induce stress (fight or flight) and in that sense, it is slowly killing you. Here is the science, starting with the stress hormone cortisol…