Propaganda

Heartwarming! Not Gay Chris Matthews Spends Broadcast Focusing on Putin and Trump’s Crotch

By |July 10th, 2017

In Brief: Not gay Chris Matthews spent a recent broadcast focusing on Putin and Trump's crotch as they sat at the G20. "They're man-spreading, big time. Man-spreading all over my heart."

Trump Offers Photographic Proof of Election Meddling, Putin Silent

By |July 9th, 2017

A stern President Trump met with President Vladimir at the G20 with irrefutable proof of Russian election meddling. "You put Debbie Wasserman-Schultz up to rigging the primary. Can you deny this is you celebrating with Debbie, Podesta, and Mook after you heard Rich died? Didn't you rig the primaries against Bernie so you could continue with more uranium deals after you managed to get 20% of ours with Hillary? You secretly wanted her to win. It was the perfect set up. You continued to pay her through the Clinton Foundation and more deals would be made to undermine our nuclear deterrent. Podesta would be Secretary of State and he already had business worth 35 million in Russia. You're busted, Mr. Putin."President Putin was speechless, and hung down his head in shame. "It was Podesta the Molesta's idea."

The Mar-a-Lago Incident: Behind the Scenes with Low I.Q. Crazy Mika, Psycho Joe and Trump

By |July 9th, 2017

Trump suddenly dropped his fork and winced as he glanced at a growing red stain on the tablecloth."Low I.Q. Crazy Mika, hey, the table! Oh come on! REALLY, Mika? Really? Go home! Your face-lift is bleeding all over  the table! We're trying to eat here!"Worse, not too long ago it was a bunch of creepy texts from Psycho Joe to the President, but this is a bit of an escalation. "Cry for help maybe?" the agent asked.

CNN’s Fake Russian Conspiracy Part of Ongoing Media Pretext for Major War

By |June 27th, 2017

Let us first define fake news: fake news is “advocacy journalism.” Advocacy journalism is news that relies on the reporter’s confirmation bias, a logical fallacy, to spread stories that fit a common narrative. Fake news is literally destroying us, and this stooge above personifies fake news, or he wouldn’t be so angry. Bombing Syria to protect Americans, or to avenge the world for “gas attacks,” that is another narrative you will hear often. The western reporters, and anchors, will rely on their own confirmation bias to divert them from the unpleasant reality that they themselves are now making the deaths of innocents inevitable, including Syrian children we were supposed to protect from Assad. They will cherry pick any data that supports the false notion that a violent regime change will not create more carnage. This is war advocacy, and it’s a favorite of the neocons. A media that pushes for war on a false pretext is an enemy of the people, it is a very deadly enemy of the people and enemy of all of mankind. Of course the thinking man fucking hates you.

White House Relents, Gives CNN’s Jim Acosta a Seat at the Table

By |June 27th, 2017

After much criticism, gnashing of teeth, tantrums, and holding of his breath, CNN's Jim "Pajama Booties" Acosta has prevailed against President Trump in his battle for White House access. Trump at last relented to his stern demands and offered the reporter "a highly coveted seat at the table." Here, a proud Acosta announces the breaking news to a global audience. A night of hard-hitting news would follow. The first was Juice-box Gate. "Everyone here got one juice box, " Acosta said solemnly, tears welling in his eyes, lips slightly quivering as he relived the traumatic moment. "President Trump got two juice boxes and even a crazy straw. He got two. It makes you wonder about the fairness and character of the man, and where the nation is going."Later, at a CNN panel discussing the "controversial breach in White House protocol," the panel nodded in sober, unanimous consent. "It's time for an independent investigation of the matter, perhaps led by Maxine Waters," Don Lemon argued. "We've seen this before. It's a disgrace to our country. Russia's hand in this scandal is clear to all."

Penis Suicide Rates Explode After CNN Chief Jeff Zucker Comparisons

By |June 26th, 2017

CNN Chief Jeff Zucker was never easy on the eyes, but now a rash of penis suicides has hit the nation as male genitals are bullied online with taunts of "Jeff Zucker head", "Butt Fucker Zucker," "Zuck face", "CNN is Fake News!", "CNN is ISIS!" and "Mother Zucker" that in best case scenarios, only resolves with years of therapy; but in worst cases, ends in suicide and tragedy. The report, "Penile Suicide and Jeff Zucker's Ugly Bitch Ass Face: A Twin Tragedy" was conducted by the University of Jeff Zucker Can Go Fuck Himself, and just published today.

Corp Media Cites Unnamed Sources to Refute a DOJ Warning Not to Trust Unnamed Sources

By |June 17th, 2017

As the corporate press continues fecklessly insisting the public ‘just trust’ the unnamed officials and anonymous sources it perpetually cites when running shock reports on the inner dealings of government, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein — acting authority in the Russia probe, thanks to Jeff Sessions’ recusal — stunningly warned the public it must remain “skeptical about anonymous allegations.”

In Brief: Putin Praises McCain for Patriotism, McCain Burns US Flag and Screams “Death to America”

By |June 9th, 2017

After Russian president Vladimir Putin noted "I like Senator McCain to a certain extent. And I’m not joking. I like him because of his patriotism, and I can relate to his consistency in fighting for the interests of his own country" an angry John McCain burned an American flag, screamed "death to America" and cried "I do not appreciate that Russian's duplicity." Dismissing any suggestion of senility, McCain shuffled through the Senate floor with his pants around his ankles in an Antifa mask. "We need to bomb their children now before they can grow up and be big Putins. He propagates lies and hair gel and makes us look like a bunch of fire hydrants."

Nancy Pelosi Cites Spoof “Trump’s Time Machine” Book in Call for Impeachment

By |June 2nd, 2017

You may find the original article here.

Rachel Maddow Chewed Up My Favorite Sneakers

By |May 21st, 2017

Bitch.

US Mainstream Media Unwittingly Plunges Into “Trump Trap”—Learns “Art Of War” Is Real

By |May 20th, 2017

The Syrian deconfliction talks currently ongoing between the Ministry of Defense (MoD) and the US Department of Defense (DoD) reveals an astonishing exchange between the Chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff General Joseph Dunford and Defence Minister Sergei Shoigu wherein it was revealed that President Donald Trump has been employing the tactics of the ancient Chinese military strategist Sun Tzu against the American mainstream propaganda media in order to destroy them—and all of whom have now unwittingly plunged into what is being described by some members of the SC as the “Trump Trap”.