Acid Attacker Reluctantly Spares Kathy Griffin, Worried it Would Only Improve Her Appearance

June 20, 2018 Independent Press 0

Abdul Smegma, a notorious London acid attacker wanted for permanently disfiguring the faces of at least twenty women, announced in a Skype video today that despite Kathy Griffin’s innately offensive nature and blasphemous imbecility, he would not splash acid on her face because “it’s just so damned hideous that burning the fugly off her mug would be an improvement, thus defeating the purpose of such an attack.”

DHS Architects Study Lisa Page’s Gums for New Wall Design

January 25, 2018 Independent Press 0

Disgraced FBI deep state operative Lisa Page withstood hours of intense questioning yesterday from Department of Homeland Security officials. At this point, however, the questioning seems limited to the study of her massive gums and their potential application as a formidable new border wall design impervious to drug cartels and smugglers. More on this breaking story as it develops.

Turkish Invasion Accelerates U.S. Military Training of Border Security Forces in Syria

January 23, 2018 Sophie Mangal 0

Washington realizes that Ankara is getting out of control and a robust military fist along the borderline will only assist Erdogan. U.S. support for the SDF has put enormous strain on ties with NATO ally Turkey, which views the YPG as an extension of the Kurdistan Workers’ Party (PKK) – a group that has waged a three-decade insurgency in Turkey and is considered a terrorist group by the European Union, Turkey, and the United States.