In Brief

DHS Architects Study Lisa Page’s Gums for New Wall Design

By |January 25th, 2018

Disgraced FBI deep state operative Lisa Page withstood hours of intense questioning yesterday from Department of Homeland Security officials. At this point, however, the questioning seems limited to the study of her massive gums and their potential application as a formidable new border wall design impervious to drug cartels and smugglers. More on this breaking story as it develops.

Turkish Invasion Accelerates U.S. Military Training of Border Security Forces in Syria

By |January 23rd, 2018

Washington realizes that Ankara is getting out of control and a robust military fist along the borderline will only assist Erdogan. U.S. support for the SDF has put enormous strain on ties with NATO ally Turkey, which views the YPG as an extension of the Kurdistan Workers’ Party (PKK) - a group that has waged a three-decade insurgency in Turkey and is considered a terrorist group by the European Union, Turkey, and the United States.

Local Man Dreams of Being Famous Enough to Have Porn Star Brag About Boning Him

By |January 19th, 2018

Mac Summer, 39, admitted to co-workers today that his greatest dream was to someday be so famous that porn stars will only remember him as the most memorable fuck they ever had. "I don't care if they say I'm hung like a gnat and cum in two seconds, the very fact they have to boost their ego by saying they boned me would be the ultimate compliment."

Disgraceful, Awful Man Misleads Viewers, As Does Adam Schiff

By |January 19th, 2018

Awful, awful man misleads viewers once again, and so does Adam Schiff.

I Eat Pussy Too! Where’s My Presidential Medal of Freedom?

By |January 5th, 2018

STFU Ellen. Eating pussy never made anyone a hero, or I would be immortalized in marble, in every city. So what if I'm a man, you sexists! I'm still a hero if she is! Neither does dancing like an idiot make me a hero, which is my specialty. If they had a Dancing with the Stars That Are Not Stars That Dance Like Fucking Idiots, I would have a special. Fuck you and your shitty ass show and goofy dance. You have the moral authority of a masturbating chimp. Your biggest achievement will be that you're remembered as the lady talk show host with the bad haircut prone to inducing grim visuals of you with a strap-on. Ew!

The Impious Digest Will Not Screen New Movie at Tom Hanks’ Home

By |December 21st, 2017

Out of respect for the POTUS the film, "I'm a Pretentious Hollywood Fuck Who Thinks My Movies Are a White House Priority and National Treasure" will not be screened at Tom Hanks' home.

Hillary Clinton Praises Al Franken for Admitting to Sexual Assault, Says He’s Better Than Moore, Trump

By |November 18th, 2017

Says he kisses better, too.

In Brief: Sen. Al Franken Gropes 75 Year Old Senior Citizen

By |November 16th, 2017

Joy Behar, 75, of The View. Not cool, man.

In Brief: American Cult Association Distances Itself from DNC, Hillary

By |November 13th, 2017

The American Cult Association issued a statement today declaring Donna Brazile's comparison of the DNC to a "cult" demeaned the term and demanded a retraction.

Battered Pundit Joy Reid Posts Hillary’s Bail After Lover’s Quarrel

By |November 3rd, 2017

Battered Pundit Syndrome often results when the abuse and scandalous, criminal behavior of a politician causes pundits to publicly humiliate themselves when defending or endorsing them. As their credibility is destroyed, the emotional battering and cognitive dissonance becomes impossible to bear. Sometimes, in extreme cases, the politician will go the extra mile to personally beat the shit out of them too.