Cyrus the Stray

Snopes Endorsement Unwelcome, Call Us False or We Will Sue

In fact, because we know through Snopes’ own history they are hit and run defamation mercenaries for sale to the highest bidder, we couldn’t do anything but distance ourselves from these professional slanderers as a matter of conscience. We not only reject their endorsement, our legal team will ensure they never try to do it again. It was decided that our best option was to demand they call anything we publish correctly “false,” even retroactively, lest a “true” rating from these evil clowns suggest we are a willing part of their three-ring shit show; where ethical, professional journos are shot out of cannons into shark tanks and child molesters are fanned and held aloft obsequiously by a cheering Snopes caravan. […]

Cyrus the Stray

Acid Attacker Reluctantly Spares Kathy Griffin, Worried it Would Only Improve Her Appearance

Abdul Smegma, a notorious London acid attacker wanted for permanently disfiguring the faces of at least twenty women, announced in a Skype video today that despite Kathy Griffin’s innately offensive nature and blasphemous imbecility, he would not splash acid on her face because “it’s just so damned hideous that burning the fugly off her mug would be an improvement, thus defeating the purpose of such an attack.” […]

CIA

Turkish Invasion Accelerates U.S. Military Training of Border Security Forces in Syria

Washington realizes that Ankara is getting out of control and a robust military fist along the borderline will only assist Erdogan. U.S. support for the SDF has put enormous strain on ties with NATO ally Turkey, which views the YPG as an extension of the Kurdistan Workers’ Party (PKK) – a group that has waged a three-decade insurgency in Turkey and is considered a terrorist group by the European Union, Turkey, and the United States. […]

Humor

I Eat Pussy Too! Where’s My Presidential Medal of Freedom?

STFU Ellen. Eating pussy never made anyone a hero, or I would be immortalized in marble, in every city. So what if I’m a man, you sexists! I’m still a hero if she is! Neither does dancing like an idiot make me a hero, which is my specialty. If they had a Dancing with the Stars That Are Not Stars That Dance Like Fucking Idiots, I would have a special. Fuck you and your shitty ass show and goofy dance. You have the moral authority of a masturbating chimp. Your biggest achievement will be that you’re remembered as the lady talk show host with the bad haircut prone to inducing grim visuals of you with a strap-on. Ew! […]