The Impious Digest Will Not Screen New Movie at Tom Hanks’ Home

By |December 21st, 2017

Out of respect for the POTUS the film, "I'm a Pretentious Hollywood Fuck Who Thinks My Movies Are a White House Priority and National Treasure" will not be screened at Tom Hanks' home.

Beardoholic Gives Us New Intelligence on Shia LeBeouf’s Beard

By |December 4th, 2017

How to Grow Facial Hair Inspired by Shia LaBeouf: Shia LaBeouf has sported all beard styles, from a five o’clock shadow to gnarly neck beard to total lumberjack big beard. He’s rocked sideburns, stubble, and full facial carpet. Depending on which look you’re hoping to achieve, there are different ways to grow that coveted facial hair. To grow a beard faster, leave the razor and trimmers in the drawer for at least 4 weeks.

In Brief: Sen. Al Franken Gropes 75 Year Old Senior Citizen

By |November 16th, 2017

Joy Behar, 75, of The View. Not cool, man.

Rachel Maddow Wows with New Haircut

By |November 7th, 2017

Sexy! [UPDATE: It has been alleged that this is Chris Hayes, not Rachel Maddow. Wrong! We stand by our assertion that is indeed Maddow because Maddow looks like Buddy Holly.]

Battered Pundit Joy Reid Posts Hillary’s Bail After Lover’s Quarrel

By |November 3rd, 2017

Battered Pundit Syndrome often results when the abuse and scandalous, criminal behavior of a politician causes pundits to publicly humiliate themselves when defending or endorsing them. As their credibility is destroyed, the emotional battering and cognitive dissonance becomes impossible to bear. Sometimes, in extreme cases, the politician will go the extra mile to personally beat the shit out of them too.

An Open Secret

By |October 24th, 2017

Feminem and Harvey Wankstain Analysis

By |October 12th, 2017

Enimen and Harvey Weinstein just have soooo many things in common, well, you just wouldn't believe it. For one, they're shitty rappers. Stay tuned.

Colin Kaepernick Takes Both Knees in General

By |September 17th, 2017

He sucks, in other words. Taking a knee is an attack on unity. That's what anthems are supposed to do: celebrate the unity of a people. The insidious aspect to virtue-signalling is best explained in how children whom are constantly being told they are bad, defective, inadequate, unlovable take that with them for the rest of their lives. Now this narrative, taken on a national scale, teaches children we should be ashamed of the anthem that brings this nation together because the author, Francis Scott Key, was a flawed man.

Thousands of Male Models Mass Suicide Over Rumors of Joy Reid Marriage, Assange on Suicide Watch

By |July 11th, 2017

According to Reid, Julian Assange on suicide watch "after I got him to spurn celebrity babes like Pamela Anderson for false hopes of my sweet booty." How did she do it? She texted him that she was married, which Assange did not know, and "he was ruined instantly." Unfortunately, word spread fast, and there were unintended and catastrophic consequences. Over 20,000 male models, and a few hundred very attractive women, perished today in a mass suicide over this false rumor that drop-dead gorgeous, beauteous vixen MSNBC anchor Joy Reid was married. But she went further. She really felt it was time to "twist the knife and break Julian" and call him "gross."

Heartwarming! Not Gay Chris Matthews Spends Broadcast Focusing on Putin and Trump’s Crotch

By |July 10th, 2017

In Brief: Not gay Chris Matthews spent a recent broadcast focusing on Putin and Trump's crotch as they sat at the G20. "They're man-spreading, big time. Man-spreading all over my heart."