Breaking: Rinse Penis Says Leaker Allegations Ridiculous

To why Seth Rich had to be assassinated, this report explains, was due to his discovering a massive spying operation surrounding DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz (also a US Congresswoman)—that was headed a Pakistani national named Imran Awan who, along with his friends and family, penetrated the entire computer network of nearly every Democratic Party member of the US Congress—with his then transferring this highly classified information to the Hezbollah spy ring he was a part of. […]

CNN Chief Jeff Zucker was never easy on the eyes, but now a rash of penis suicides has hit the nation as male genitals are bullied online with taunts of “Jeff Zucker head”, “Butt Fucker Zucker,” “Zuck face”, “CNN is Fake News!”, “CNN is ISIS!” and “Mother Zucker” that in best case scenarios, only resolves with years of therapy; but in worst cases, ends in suicide and tragedy. The report, “Penile Suicide and Jeff Zucker’s Ugly Bitch Ass Face: A Twin Tragedy” was conducted by the University of Jeff Zucker Can Go Fuck Himself, and just published today. […]

Butt hurt Chris Cuomo claims that accusing a journo of using fake news is like using the “N word.” But who ever said he was a real reporter? This is the same fake news peddler that told his viewers that reading Wikileaks is illegal! To be fair, I did not really bone his wife, that’s fake news too. Beastiality is illegal in my state and PETA would never leave me alone. […]