BREAKING: Hillary Runs for President of Own Fan Club, Manages to Lose by Landslide

Dr. Pepe Le Frogg announced today that Hillary’s alter personality has been identified as a Russian spy named Agent Govniuk, a self-destructive splinter of her personality that loves to sabotage her life. Govniuk is Russian for a very naughty word, incidentally. This incredibly self-destructive alter, when in control, made sure she ran while under a criminal FBI investigation. It made sure she rigged the primary and sabotaged Bernie Sanders’ campaign and lost his supporters when they found out. It was responsible for her calling half of Americans racist, deplorables, irredeemables, xenophobes, and sexists. Because “Agent Govniuk” blames everyone else for her mistakes, she cannot self-correct, so she continuously fails no matter how much she is assisted by political operatives and donors. […]

Only speculative answers can be given as to why top US Federal Prosecutor John Huber—whose investigation into crimes committed by Hillary Clinton remain shrouded in mystery—filed documents in a barely known case in Tennessee with the US Federal Court to immediately halt the sentencing of James Brantley—a self-confessed criminal meatpacking plant owner who employed illegal aliens and is facing a maximum of 30 years in prison—and whose only reason given for this sentencing delay are contained in the cryptic phrase stating: “The United States submits as a basis for the continuance is that there are currently activities underway in a related case which could affect the sentencing of (Brantley)” […]

And as to how actually ingenious President Trump’s seemingly bizarre Freemason media strategy has been against his elite globalist enemies, this report concludes, when his leftist opponents began saying his election was not legitimate, Trump retaliated by saying that millions of illegal aliens voted for Clinton—thus causing his leftist enemies to declare that the election was legitimate after all—and none of them realizing how their sudden flip-flop made them look utterly foolish and exposed them for the charlatans they really are. […]