BREAKING: Hillary Runs for President of Own Fan Club, Manages to Lose by Landslide

A stunning new Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR) report circulating in the Kremlin today says that Wikileaks abrupt cancelling of their planned “October Surprise” release of Hillary Clinton emails relating to her currently existing brain trauma was due to their receiving a “dire threat” that should they do so, all top officials of this whistle blowing organization would be charged with major crimes in the United States and be swiftly extradited there by the European Union. […]

Former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is, without doubt, recoiling in terror today after Republican Party US Senator Lindsey Graham revealed yesterday that US Attorney General William Barr is “pretty upset”  that nobody in her criminal e-mail investigation went to jail for lying about the process, “because there was no process”—a finding that previous analysis confirmed as being true as neither Barr or President Donald Trump are going to give her a pass for her crimes—most particularly with grave new evidence emerging showing how she colluded with Ukraine to try to win her election against Trump. […]

The White House gravely warned Syrian President Bashar al-Assad not to poison children. Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced Monday that U.S. intelligence indicates Assad could be preparing a chemical attack that would “likely result in the mass murder of civilians, including innocent children.”  They would “pay a heavy price,” Spicer said. “You don’t ever poison innocent children without expecting to pay a heavy price.” Spicer than paused for a moment, adding “Unless Assad  is in Flint, Michigan, then he could do us a solid, perhaps, if he takes the blame for that lead poisoning, all that lead in the drinking water that’s poisoning American children. That might be acceptable. That’s some pretty evil shit from Obama’s time and we still haven’t washed that stain off own conscience in this administration.” […]