Bill O’Reilly Deterrent Hits Market

oreilly_repellent (2)
Front text detail: Fuck off O’Reilly, I’ll sue you Mackris-style.

Planning on working at FOX with Bill O’Reilly? Or perhaps just making an appearance on the O’Reilly Factor? then act now!

Try our new O’Reilly Sexual Harassment Deterrent Apparel™! First 100 orders will receive free loofah necklaces to further help ward off Bill O’Reilly or his surrogate demon-spawn stalkers.

Andrea_Mackris_Benedict_Morelli
Andrea Mackris and lawyer, with the creepy centurion and turkey-necked Bill O’Reilly, foreground.

This high-quality, 100% cotton t-shirt features an O’Reilly repellent consisting of a falafel dish; a middle-eastern cuisine which Bill O mistook for a bathroom sponge when attempting to have phone sex with a co-worker, Andrea Mackris. The falafel reference and protective loofah necklace/amulet is guaranteed to remind Bill that sexual harassment will not be tolerated by the wearer.

Stop the harassing midnight phone calls! stop the telephoned O’Reilly masturbation and homo-erotic dildo references before they ever start!

NOTE

Because the tiny hands of forced child labor are especially suited for sewing quality garments. The Impious Digest manufactures its clothing at only the most respectable third-world sweat shops. That’s right: they’re made in America.*

Accept no imitations!

ORDER NOW

*American prisons, to be precise.

About Independent Press 849 Articles
Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?