Independent Press

About Independent Press

This author has not yet filled in any details.
So far Independent Press has created 387 blog entries.

December 2016

Clinton Camp Admits Insider Leak, Not Russian Hack

By |

Podesta: "I'm definitely for making an example of a suspected leaker whether or not we have any real basis for it."

Was Seth Rich the DNC Leak? Ask John Podesta

By |

Podesta: "I'm definitely for making an example of a suspected leaker whether or not we have any real basis for it." In the first week of August several news boards alleged that Huma Abedin was the leak, and that she had Seth Rich contact Wikileaks and Anonymous. Wikileaks has offered a $20,000 reward leading to the capture of Rich's killer(s). Yet another source, SVR intelligence analysts, claim that the hit team was captured in a shoot out with the FBI on July 12, 2016.

PeePee-Leaks! Hillary Blames Putin for Leaking Her Bladder

By |

Citing an anonymous CIA source, twice failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton peed herself earlier today at a gathering laying out the true reasons for her loss. News later emerged that the Russians were somehow responsible for leaking the full contents of her bladder before she could finish her speech. This time Russian leader Vladimir "The Bladder Whisperer" Putin did take the blame and said her vesica, a double agent, was "always a faithful leaker."

Morbidly Obese 1% Millionaire Steals Clothes from Homeless

By |

"It's hard enough being homeless, I have endured a lot of insults, but 'Michael Moore called-- he wants his clothes back!' That's just low, man. We didn't ask for this."Michael Moore, a morbidly obese millionaire and darling of media elites, was recently spotted stealing clothing from a homeless veteran while filming a documentary on his life as an anorexic pole dancer and single black mother.

The Ruling that Made it Legal for the Media to Lie

By |

Back in 2006, a major news network went to court to defend their right to lie. This is the ruling that made it legal. "In a stunningly narrow interpretation of FCC rules, the Florida Appeals court claimed that the FCC policy against falsification of the news does not rise to the level of a 'law, rule, or regulation,' it was simply a 'policy.' Therefore, it is up to the station whether or not it wants to report honestly."

Agent Govniuk Exposed as Russian Agent/Hillary Alter Personality

By |

Dr. Pepe Le Frogg announced today that Hillary's alter personality has been identified as a Russian spy named Agent Govniuk, a self-destructive splinter of her personality that loves to sabotage her life. Govniuk is Russian for a very naughty word, incidentally. This incredibly self-destructive alter, when in control, made sure she ran while under a criminal FBI investigation. It made sure she rigged the primary and sabotaged Bernie Sanders' campaign and lost his supporters when they found out. It was responsible for her calling half of Americans racist, deplorables, irredeemables, xenophobes, and sexists. Because "Agent Govniuk" blames everyone else for her mistakes, she cannot self-correct, so she continuously fails no matter how much she is assisted by political operatives and donors.

Russian Conspiracy Theory Fail

By |

No Russians involved. Dr. Steve Pieczenik was Deputy Assistant Secretary of State under Henry Kissinger, Cyrus Vance and James Baker. His expertise includes foreign policy, international crisis management and psychological warfare. He served the presidential administrations of Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush in the capacity of deputy assistant secretary.In 1974, Pieczenik joined the US State Department as a consultant to help in the restructuring of its Office for the Prevention of Terrorism.

Let the Internet Decide: Ranking Algorithm to Let Users Decide True Journalism

By |

A ranking system apart from Google and Fuckerberg to let users rank which major media source is least trustworthy. A means to warn readers about major false stories they promulgated in the past, from the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq hoax to calling torture an enhanced interrogation method. Political bias will be weighed against a means to verify stories with available documentation. Anonymous sources by any media will be immediately discredited.

Hillary Attacks Fake News for Getting Her Hopes Up

By |

An embittered Hillary Clinton emerged today to blast the malicious and dangerous "fake news" that got her hopes up by proclaiming her certain win. "All of you who got my hopes up need to take the blame... Why did you play me like that? Why did you so cruelly make my win appear so certain, only to have it taken from my grasp? You in the media with your fake news of sunny days ahead destroyed me emotionally and politically. These burns on my lips, that's on you fuckers, you got me sucking on a tail pipe this morning to improve my outlook."

Amy Schumer to Play Fat Barbie

By |

Amy Schumer is in early talks to star in Sony’s live-action “Barbie” film, sources tell Variety.The original idea and screenplay is by Hilary Winston, although it is expected that Schumer and her sister, Kim Caramele, will rewrite.

Media Erupts After Trump Eats a Burrito Without Their Permission

By |

After a withering attack for eating a burrito without their consent, Donald Trump ordered a giant 6 foot burrito and appointed it Secretary of Go Fuck Yourself CNN. "He's appropriating a cultural heritage," cried CNN's Don Lemon as his panel nodded grimly. "It's dangerous and likely to exacerbate racial tensions." Never one to shy away from controversy, PEOTUS Donald Trump immediately got himself a taco bowl, and washed the meal down with a vintage 2016 bottle of Rachel Maddow's election night tears.

George Clinton to Head “Safe Space” Safety Pin Tour 2017

By |

Funk legend George Clinton announced plans to head a "Safe Space" college campus tour in 2017 to highlight the suffering of affluent kids traumatized by belief systems outside their world view. Here he is in rehearsal.DEVELOPING

November 2016

Jill Stein Demands Pit Hair Recount

By |

In a surprising development, crazed Green Party candidate Jill Stein called for a recount of her 10,984 pit hairs in hopes that it could somehow influence the electoral college and flip the election. Catatonic Clinton volunteers, still in grief and shock, had already counted the hairs twice in a painfully mistaken belief they could use them to replace the ballots in Michigan."The hairy Green bitch lied to us!" cried a rueful Rose Pudenda. "I have arthritis and I can't afford this aggravation. It took me five minutes to flip her the bird."

From Abortion Clinic Dumpster to Proud Pundit: The Maddow Story

By |

Avert your eyes, my friends, beware a brilliance blinding to the naked eye. Few have ever been so ridiculously wrong, so many times, and still managed to keep their jobs and dignity without at least a self-immolation or two.

Illustrated History of Scientology

By |

The Illustrated History of Scientology, by Rick Vodica, perhaps the funniest and most dangerous work to ever haunt the Church of Scientology.

American Holocaust: 9/11 an Irrefutable Nuclear Event

By |

Leaked FBI 9/11 Evidence Against Bush, Clinton, Blair and Netanyahu Too Staggering to Ignore. If a picture is worth a thousand words, here's some culled from thousands implicating them all, Saudis included.

I’m a Fire Truck Trapped in a Man’s Body

By |

In the meantime, because fire trucks have unique anatomical features, it is only fair to have have public restaurants, schools, government buildings , etc., modify their bathrooms into fire stations to accommodate my special needs, such  as my ladder.

Ministry of Truth? Snopes a Fake News Source for Fake MSM News

By |

Here's an interesting experiment: bend your arm, palm facing outwards. Beat the back of your hand against your chest repeatedly as you jerk your head back and forth. This is what you look like when you quote Snopes as an authority. Here they are, in fact, the geniuses behind Snopes "fact checking" scam.

#PizzaGate Pedophilia Scandal: New York Times Already on Defensive

By |

In regards to the Hollywood and DC child sex rings, damage control makes the elite defend the indefensible: pedophilia. A two-year old article reflects the framing of the scandal as it first appeared. Incidentally, to the pervert who wrote this at the NYT, Margo Kaplan, pedophilia is indeed a crime and you might want to look into the law books to see just how serious it is. "Pedophilia is a Disorder, Not a Crime" just won't fly in the courts or with anyone that's ever been molested or raped as a child.

The “59 Grassy Knoll Witnesses Conspired to Lie” Conspiracy Theory

By |

Because 59 witnesses would have to conspire to present the same consistent account, the most ridiculous and obvious conspiracy theory of all is coming from the Lone Gunman Conspiracy Theorists.