An Open Secret

The Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church currently sequestered within the walls of the Danilov Monastery discussing retaliatory measures to be taken in response to the exarch (designates holders of various historical offices, some of them being political or military and others being ecclesiastical) ruling by the Patriarchate of Constantinople as it regards the Ukrainian Orthodox Church, have now centered their talks on debating a declaration of “Holy War” against the United States—and that follows by nearly 3 years the Russian declaration of “Holy War” against the radical Islamic terrorists barbarians in Syria after the Church asked President Putin to make the protection of Christians one of the governments main foreign policy directions, to which he replied: “This is how it will be, have no doubt”.  […]

Why doesn’t anybody listen? The last time he told people not to download his pants pal Ronnie they did, and cruelly defaced him by placing him in disgusting and compromising positions. Seriously. Please don’t look at his secret thumb drive. Dot com. Don’t be an asshole and look at it, ok? […]

For the first time in history, Eastern and Western secret societies have agreed to work together for the benefit of the planet, secret society sources say.  As one Western secret society source put it, “Jesus Christ is going to get married to Guan Yin [the Buddhist Goddess of Mercy].” […]