The Impious Digest

Mysterious “Watchers” Reappear In European Skies For First Time Since World War II

Foreign Affairs

November 13, 2018

A truly foreboding new Ministry of Foreign Affairs (MoFA) report circulating in the Kremlin today calling on Israel and the Palestinians to stop hostilities as a full-fledged ground offensive nears and massive Israeli airstrikes continue to pound Gaza, notes with grave concern the warning just issued by the globally respected religious scholar Rabbi Pinchas Winston that Israel should be ready “at any moment” for the Biblical doomsday “Gog-Magog War” he says would last 12 minutes and encompass the entire world—and whose warning comes at the same time mysterious aerial crafts are now being reported in the skies of Europe—a reappearance of what many believe are the “Watchers” who flew throughout the European and Asian skies during the waning days of World War II before the first atomic bomb was used—and has spurred the Ministry of Defense (MoD) to order the construction of a new Christian church to protect the lives and souls of Russian soldiers who will try to save our world from the satanic forces now attacking it. […]

More Talking Points to Sound Like a Complete Fucking Idiot, Courtesy The View’s Respected Political Scientists

by JAG in Entertainment

Joy Behar, an internationally respected political scientist and intellectual powerhouse, made another compelling observation sure to heal a divided nation. The “Daytime Noam Chomsky” and “Plato of Punditry” whose wisdom is heeded by leaders far and wide, whose searing and trenchant insight is studied word for word with every episode in universities from MIT to Oxford, also noted that her vagina doesn’t appreciate gender appropriation and neither should yours.

“My vagina is whatever I say I want it to be,” she said with solemn and thoughtful certainty. “I call it a fire truck because my vagina is a fire truck. It’s time people start respecting real science.” […]