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If CNN’s Jeff Zucker Assassinated During Inauguration, What Then?

By |January 19th, 2017

First of all, an angel gets its wings.

John Lewis a Hero? Fought Voting Rights of Poor in 2016

By |January 16th, 2017

Fuck John Lewis. He didn't lose a limb or die like countless Americans who fought to preserve all of our liberties, such as our right to vote which we deem so important we're willing to expend American lives to bring those voting rights to countries abroad. He was complicit in a conspiracy to deny our vote so Hillary could be elected. The only thing he can be thanked for is opening the door to discussion about the class-action lawsuit against the DNC for rigging the primaries, a major assault on the voting rights of Democrats. MLK fought for voting rights. John Lewis fought against the voting rights of those who voted in the primaries. In 2016, in Puerto Rico and elsewhere, he supported a candidate that shut down polling stations to make it harder for people sympathetic to Bernie to vote.

Profile in Courage: Local Man Talks Shit About Trump in Liberal Enclave

By |January 15th, 2017

Dick Smegma, 26, took a courageous stand today by siding with the majority opinion in a deep blue state where everybody hates Trump."I'm no hero," Smegma said humbly to a crowd of cheering Hillary supporters as they burned Trump in effigy. "But sometimes you have to be brave enough to dispense with the courage of your convictions, and side with whatever is popular with the crowd."At press time, Mr. Smega was last seen in a Trump rally talking all manner of shit about Clinton.

Council of Uninformed Neurotic Television Stars (CUNTS) Finally Changes Name

By |January 15th, 2017

But it's still unwatchable.

CNN’s Best

By |January 15th, 2017

Oh that Jim Acosta, bless his heart, he thinks he's people! Look how he barks at the President-Elect.

Wikileaks: Mexican Drug Kingpin, El Chapo, Donated 15M to Clinton Foundation

By |January 13th, 2017

The Times: Julian Assange launched an attack on the integrity of the Clinton Foundation with the latest intelligence report that says the organization had ties with Mexican drug cartel leader, Joaquín ‘El Chapo’ Guzmán.Guzman, widely known as ‘El Chapo’, has an estimated net worth of $2 billion USD. He is currently incarcerated in a high-security Mexican prison and is in the process of being extradited to the United States.

MI6 REPORT: ISIS and McCain Exchanged “Dirty Sanchez” for Fake Trump Dossier

By |January 11th, 2017

A former MI6 official, who wishes to remain anonymous, alleges that Sen. John McCain is the person responsible for giving the FBI the discredited "Golden Showers" Trump dossier, which was covered in The Guardian. This "leak" was met with a flurry of new accusations of secret stings wherein British spooks note he exchanged a "dirty Sanchez" with BuzzFeed editor and lover Ben Smith. The slang refers to a most unwholesome sex act where a partner having anal sex removes his penis from the anus and smears his lover's lip with feces and semen.

MTV’s “Dear White Guy” Taken to an Extreme in Chicago

By |January 10th, 2017

Chicago police said Wednesday night that four teens are being held and questioned in connection with a Facebook Live video showing a group of people beating and cutting a special needs teen who appeared bound and gagged as they shouted “F--- Donald Trump.”Chicago Police Supt. Eddie Johnson called the video a "brutal act" that was "broadcast for the entire world to see." As of January 9, 2017, all attackers are over 18, presently held without bail and charged with a hate crime.

BREAKING: Hillary Runs for President of Own Fan Club, Manages to Lose by Landslide

By |January 7th, 2017

"People hate me!"

Suicide Prevention Counselors Urge Don Lemon to Kill Himself

By |January 6th, 2017

"This is certainly not the way we were brought up, saying this to you, but we don't think we are evil in saying it. We strongly suggest, say, eating a nice, caramelized bucket of broken glass, washed down with a refreshing, chilled glass of Prestone anti-freeze. We recommend cliff diving in Acapulco, with a practice run from a hotel roof. Shaving with a chainsaw was also suggested by our focus group, provided it was done in the dark, on a trampoline. An ear piercing with a jackhammer was another favored suggestion, and my personal one, as well."

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