Independent Press

Bernie Lost His Street Cred

The only people that actually believe the Russians hacked our election are the same geniuses that spray their laptops with Lysol so they won’t get a virus. And here they are, in high office, taking the word of a butt hurt sore loser that unleashed a string of lies blaming her election loss on the Bernie Bros, racists, xenophobes, Alex Jones, James Comey, Obama, a biased pro-Trump media, Facebook, fake news, and now Putin. If you’re over 10 and cannot see the pattern of unending falsehood consistent with a pathological liar who not only insults your intelligence but flings it down and stomps upon it, please limit your grandiloquent opining to the kiddie table, this is grown-up talk. […]

Censorship

Shakespeare: “Snowflakes Hateth Me!”

Verily, it dost seem special snowflakes hath been triggered by mine awesome legacy and shadow. Even I tremble, and I am he. Behold this article at the National Review:

“U Penn Removes Shakespeare Portrait Because He Does Not Represent ‘Diversity’” And I, The Bard was replaced with a portrait of a black lesbian poet few doth know about, and verily I wandered far and wide to find someone who heard of her. Who is this woman? Thou mayest often find the answer at the local eatery near U Penn. Whenst the middle-aged cashier asketh unto thee “Do you want fries with that?” inquire of the timeless mystery that is Audre Lourde. […]

Donald Trump

Trump To Move 370 Elite Troops From Russia To Protect His Life, Family

Important to note about President-elect Trump’s American private security companies, this bulletin continues, is that XMark LLC specializes in the use of special forces troops, ASIT Consulting is one of the United States top experts on the importing of specialized weapons, and Ultra Electronics USSI has the reputation of being a global leader in the futuristic use of electronic and acoustic weapons—and when all combined under RBS Group leadership, presents one of the most formidable private mercenary armies the world has ever known. […]

Hillary Clinton

Embassy Of California Opens In Moscow—Looks For Arms Deal When Hillary Clinton Is Governor

As to why Vekselberg has aligned himself with Hillary Clinton and her effort to become the new leader of the independent nation of California, FSB analysts in this report explain, is due to his “eccentric love and fixation” towards Fort Ross, that is the former Russian establishment on the west coast of North America in what is now Sonoma County, California—and was the hub of the southernmost Russian settlements in North America from 1812 to 1842. […]

Hillary Clinton

Hillary, Show Us Where the Bad, Bad Putin Touched You

So you feel violated? Did someone exercise their right to vote for someone other than yourself? The hell you say! Not  in MY country! Did someone reveal the sobering truth about you and confirm the undecided voter’s worst fears? Oh, hell no! You want Congress to investigate, or attack Russia? Eh, slow down, sparky. Unfortunately, for you at least, that’s how elections work. I see you pointed at the doll’s head. Is that the place where those bad, bad voters made you feel like a sore fucking loser? […]

Hillary Clinton

Was Seth Rich the DNC Leak? Ask John Podesta

Podesta: “I’m definitely for making an example of a suspected leaker whether or not we have any real basis for it.” In the first week of August several news boards alleged that Huma Abedin was the leak, and that she had Seth Rich contact Wikileaks and Anonymous. Wikileaks has offered a $20,000 reward leading to the capture of Rich’s killer(s). Yet another source, SVR intelligence analysts, claim that the hit team was captured in a shoot out with the FBI on July 12, 2016. […]

Hillary Clinton

PeePee-Leaks! Hillary Blames Putin for Leaking Her Bladder

Citing an anonymous CIA source, twice failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton peed herself earlier today at a gathering laying out the true reasons for her loss. News later emerged that the Russians were somehow responsible for leaking the full contents of her bladder before she could finish her speech. This time Russian leader Vladimir “The Bladder Whisperer” Putin did take the blame and said her vesica, a double agent, was “always a faithful leaker.” […]

Cloak and Dagger

Media Silent After US Courts Smash Clinton Coup Against Trump

In the US Federal Courts of the States of Alaska, California, Colorado and Washington complete smashing of Hillary Clinton’s attempt to overthrow President-elect Trump, as well as the State Supreme Court of Colorado, this report explains, these American jurists have laid bare the lie being spread by what is called the Hamilton Electors who say that the 538 members of the Electoral College are able to substitute their will over that of the over 100 million citizens of their country who voted for whom they wanted to be their next president. […]

Cloak and Dagger

The Ruling that Made it Legal for the Media to Lie

Back in 2006, a major news network went to court to defend their right to lie. This is the ruling that made it legal. “In a stunningly narrow interpretation of FCC rules, the Florida Appeals court claimed that the FCC policy against falsification of the news does not rise to the level of a ‘law, rule, or regulation,’ it was simply a ‘policy.’ Therefore, it is up to the station whether or not it wants to report honestly.” […]

Hillary Clinton

Agent Govniuk Exposed as Russian Agent/Hillary Alter Personality

Dr. Pepe Le Frogg announced today that Hillary’s alter personality has been identified as a Russian spy named Agent Govniuk, a self-destructive splinter of her personality that loves to sabotage her life. Govniuk is Russian for a very naughty word, incidentally. This incredibly self-destructive alter, when in control, made sure she ran while under a criminal FBI investigation. It made sure she rigged the primary and sabotaged Bernie Sanders’ campaign and lost his supporters when they found out. It was responsible for her calling half of Americans racist, deplorables, irredeemables, xenophobes, and sexists. Because “Agent Govniuk” blames everyone else for her mistakes, she cannot self-correct, so she continuously fails no matter how much she is assisted by political operatives and donors. […]

Cloak and Dagger

Russian Conspiracy Theory Fail

No Russians involved. Dr. Steve Pieczenik was Deputy Assistant Secretary of State under Henry Kissinger, Cyrus Vance and James Baker. His expertise includes foreign policy, international crisis management and psychological warfare. He served the presidential administrations of Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush in the capacity of deputy assistant secretary.

In 1974, Pieczenik joined the US State Department as a consultant to help in the restructuring of its Office for the Prevention of Terrorism. […]

Independent Press

Let the Internet Decide: Ranking Algorithm to Let Users Decide True Journalism

A ranking system apart from Google and Fuckerberg to let users rank which major media source is least trustworthy. A means to warn readers about major false stories they promulgated in the past, from the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq hoax to calling torture an enhanced interrogation method. Political bias will be weighed against a means to verify stories with available documentation. Anonymous sources by any media will be immediately discredited. […]