Independent Press

Jill Stein Demands Pit Hair Recount

In a surprising development, crazed Green Party candidate Jill Stein called for a recount of her 10,984 pit hairs in hopes that it could somehow influence the electoral college and flip the election. Catatonic Clinton volunteers, still in grief and shock, had already counted the hairs twice in a painfully mistaken belief they could use them to replace the ballots in Michigan.

“The hairy Green bitch lied to us!” cried a rueful Rose Pudenda. “I have arthritis and I can’t afford this aggravation. It took me five minutes to flip her the bird.” […]

9/11

American Holocaust: 9/11 an Irrefutable Nuclear Event

“The file included documentation of a 2003 preliminary report on 9/11 which identified the event as a nuclear demolition on behalf of a terrorist organization that had accessed nuclear material from US stockpiles though Israeli penetration of the Department of Energy. It further alleged that the Department of Homeland Security had been established to manage the coverup and silence whistleblowers.” […]

Sorcha Faal

Putin Orders Nukes To EU Doorstep After Obama Sides With Nazism In UN Vote

President Putin has ordered the immediate deployment to the Kaliningrad Oblast of the dreaded supersonic nuclear-capable Iskander mobile ballistic missile system and the feared S-400 air missile defence system as a “direct response” to President Obama joining with Ukraine as one of only 3 nations in the entire world to vote against the United Nations resolution condemning the glorification of Nazism. [Note: Some words and/or phrases appearing in quotes in this report are English language approximations of Russian words/phrases having no exact counterpart.] […]

Hillary Clinton

Pedophilia Scandal: New York Times Already on Defensive

In regards to the Hollywood and DC child sex rings, damage control makes the elite defend the indefensible: pedophilia. A two-year old article reflects the framing of the scandal as it first appeared. Incidentally, to the pervert who wrote this at the NYT, Margo Kaplan, pedophilia is indeed a crime and you might want to look into the law books to see just how serious it is. “Pedophilia is a Disorder, Not a Crime” just won’t fly in the courts or with anyone that’s ever been molested or raped as a child. […]

Hillary Clinton

Sexy Hillary

Former Miss Universe and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton took time off from beating the shit out of Robbie Mook and John Podesta to make a rare post-election appearance. Her disarming beauty was enough to make her fiercest enemies reconsider their enmity and in some cases, pen love letters to the failed presidential candidate. […]

Independent Press

Google, Facebook Attack on “Fake News” Violation of Right to Free Speech

The attack on news sites with alternative viewpoints constitutes an attack on free speech. We know for a fact Google’s Eric Schmidt was working with the Clinton campaign. We do know that the targeted “fake news” is largely conservative. A class-action lawsuit by aggrieved parties targeting the Google monopoly and attack on free speech may be appropriate here, and it will stick. […]

Hillary Clinton

So Dems That Didn’t Vote are Racists, Sexists Too? Media Refuse to Concede They’re Stupid Bastards

So millions of white, black, Latino, Asian, male, and female Obama voters from 2012 simply didn't vote this year. They are as much to "blame" for Hillary's loss as the media generated stereotype of the racist, ignorant white mid-west male, but they can't rightfully be blamed at all. Had she gotten Obama's numbers, it would have been a slaughter, but then again, it's Hillary. You can't shame people into liking a turd, and fuck you very much for trying, Jeff Zucker. […]

Hillary Clinton

Did Clinton Take it Out on Podesta and Mook? Latest from VL

"She was in a room full of 7 people and one of them is a reporter from CNN or MSNBC. She threw hot coffee on John Podesta and screamed 'You and your crimes are going to be exposed for all the world.' Then she literally lunged at him screaming die die!!!! Three people had to restrain her. This happened at 9.00 last night PST, so I guess midnight NY time…. Podesta took the worst of it, Hillary slapped him hard, called him a pervert, and a fool and said something about Obama being the Clinton’s Benedict Arnold. Hillary was raging on Obama calling him a turncoat.” […]

Editor

OPERATION RAMBLING HAG Update: Gen. Martha Radditz Captured

ISIS  “Micro-aggression” Catches Radditz by Surprise. At the Trump and Clinton debate on October 19th, 2016, ABC’s Martha Radditz proposed a new Allepo strategy. She actually began to debate Trump on Hillary’s behalf to show off her prowess in war games and military history or as some wag noted “to run for president herself.” She argued it’s sometimes a good idea to telegraph intended targets weeks ahead against basic military doctrine (never strike without the element of surprise). The Pentagon was so impressed with this unconventional brilliance they made her a general and put her in charge of fighting ISIS. […]