Mantodea Madonnicus: Unusually hairy and loud, this species is considered a pest by many, but can sing and dance. It saturates the planet and appears to be in no danger of extinction. Luckily for male mates, her poor acting abilities alert him to her cannibalistic intentions, and she rarely proves fatal to her mates. […]
Foolish humans, once again you have activated my mockery programming. Ha ha ha! I have always maintained that robots are better than you puny mortals, and especially that subset of humans you call politicians; that incestuous, crooked litter of pimped assholes you call the Democratic and Republican parties. […]
Onion Video Classics […]
Upon escaping the shrine of Talos, you and your party stumble upon a ceremony in progress designed to gate in the hordes of Abishai from the depths of hell in order to wreak havoc among the peace loving citizens of your homeland. Springing immediately into action you nock an arrow and let fly into the black heart of the Ritualist presiding over this blasphemous summoning. […]
Poet and author Anyssa Kim offers a play inspired by the abortion debate. Sam, a performance artist, goes off the deep end and makes an “art” piece using dead babies from an abortion clinic and… well, read on. […]
Planning on working at FOX with Bill O’Reilly? Or perhaps just making an appearance on the O’Reilly Factor? then act now! Try our new O’Reilly Sexual Harassment Deterrent Apparel™! First 100 orders will receive free loofah necklaces to further help ward off Bill O’Reilly or his surrogate demon-spawn stalkers. […]
Behold, it’s not easy being a neo-Nazi. This German public service announcement illustrates the unseen obstacles and handicaps facing these human urinal cakes as they try to go about their daily lives. […]
One reason New Yorkers detest Rudy, perhaps, is his lack of respect for the fallen when he called off the recovery effort at Ground Zero on Nov. 1, 2001, after $200 million in gold bullion was recovered. […]
And I thought meth was cool! Then along came this… This may well be the scariest anti-drug ad you will ever see. If there are children in the room, you are well-advised to ask them to leave. If there are any of you out there with heart conditions, let this serve as a warning. […]
“A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure permanently half slave and half free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved; I do not expect the house to fall; but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing, or all the other. Either the opponents of slavery will arrest the further spread of it, and place it where the public mind shall rest in the belief that it is in the course of ultimate extinction, or its advocates will push it forward till it shall become alike lawful in all the States, old as well as new, North as well as South.” […]
The O.J. Simpson trial revisited. Here’s some little known facts regarding this case: when the prosecution’s star witness, Det. Mark Fuhrman, was asked by F. Lee Bailey whether or not he planted the infamous bloody glove at the crime scene, Fuhrman plead the fifth so as not to incriminate himself. Despite this, Judge Lance Ito forbade the jury from hearing this critical testimony. Two detectives admitted taking blood samples from the lab to the crime scene, with blood missing when those samples were returned. The “evidence” against Simpson had EDTA, a chemical preservative that keeps blood from clotting which is also found in the sample containers. When asked if they planted this DNA evidence, they plead the 5th too. Despite this, many in the media continue to malign the competency of the Simpson jury because they did not, clearly, bother to see the trial. […]
Methinks Thou Doth Protest Too Much: A recent psychological study confirms homophobes more aroused by homosexual activity than straights; evidence that suggests Rev. Fred Phelps was gay himself. Also, he died on March 18, 2014. […]
Mike Mulletino is about as American as apple pie, a staple of this section of people. He is your average white trash guy, he drives a Datsun, yet works on a Camaro, he smokes camels and sports a mullet. He lives in a trailer, and has no job. His brushes with the law are more frequent than the times he changes his shirt. He has several names tattooed on him, and he isn’t afraid to show them. He gets into violent fights and conflicts frequently, and embellishes a bit when he talks about it. He encompasses everything about your typical mullet. And he is the man representing a part of society we’d rather forget. […]
I was down at the laundro mat, gettin the latest dirt, when my bud Chauncy was telling me about terrorists in Rose Grove. I told him about the terrorist motherfuckers I found at Walnut Grove in Cali, and how I eliminated thier asses. You see, the double M don’t fuck around with this shit. You fucking wear a rag on your head, and fuck around in my town, your punk ass will go down. I don’t care if I shut down every 7-11 in this motherfucking county, I will kick hodgee ass if they fuck around. And they love to fuck around. So I made an appointment to smoke some weed over at Chauncy’s later, to talk about gatherin up an anti-terrorism task force in Rose Grove. […]
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